Right of passage

You, know, it's funny. I started a new blog, wrote in it once, got swept up in new-mommyness and here we are, a year and some later, and I am right back to this blog, one that for some reason I just couldn't bear to trash! It's like a journal, I guess - right?
Little M is no longer so little - at 13.5 months he's a bam bam of a baby-toddler. He still doesn't sleep (still up every hour or two at night) but we are working on night weaning, and we are talking about trying again in a few months.
I wish I would have written more. My sleep deprived, hormonal, thyroid-whacked-out brain feels so foggy about his first year that in a way it's like I missed out! Now though, I'm trying my hardest to appreciate it for what it is - I went back to work at 8 months, then J stayed home for a few months, but he has been in full time daycare since May. I had no idea how hard that would be...

WTF OMG WTF OMG!

We came home from work to this. Yes, that is the stuffing from the pillow on the right side of the couch (It's one of those cushions attached to the couch). We knew who dunnit and she is still walking around with her head down. 3 1/2 hours later, I have successfully sewed the cushion back together- by hand. We're about to have a baby- no time to be investing in a new couch!

hey... where'd my stuffing go?

ok, yeah, sorry mamas. sorry.

Ease & Flow

We're now in week 16 and boy has my belly grown this past week! Pregnancy feels nothing like I thought it would- all the stretching and growing is very odd.


Last year I had talked about how J and I have the tradition of each picking a word for the new year. The year absolutely flew by... and here we are again. For the first time we both had a harder time choosing words. I didn't want to just choose and obvious one like 'birth', 'love' and 'joy', although all of those are appropriate. In the end, I didn't choose my word until this morning, I picked 'flow' as in, go with it! I worry too much, I think too much, and I am not very good at just living in the moment, so this year I am going to give myself permission to be myself without worrying, live my life without judging, let myself be imperfect without self-criticism, and let the good things come as they may.

J chose 'ease'... I thought it was a brilliant choice.

Knocked up!

...and it was on the first try too! Due date: June 22, 2011, summer solstice, we're told. J and I are stoked, and feel so lucky that the iui took right away. We're calling her 'Sesame', as in 'seed' because that's about how big she was when we found out we were pregnant.... here we go!

Leap of faith

I'm taking a leap, I'm taking a break and I am reconsidering my direction. I'm dropping my class and may drop the MA program altogether. It doesn't seem so big when I write it down, but the decision is a huge one, especially coming from someone who doesn't like to quit things for fear of looking like a failure.

Umm, I seem to have misplaced my period.

No really, and I'm kinda waiting for it to start the fertility drugs and have that long-awaited first iui... and of course I'm late. Or right on time? Hence the drugs. Never thought I'd pay so much attention to my cycle. All I want is to start trying already, enough waiting!

Wedding... and a hiatus from blogging

I have been thinking about just scrapping this blog. Obviously I haven't been around much. Wedding has come and gone... and truthfully I am thrilled to be married but so glad that the wedding part is over. I am just not a fan of weddings! Really, though, we were very lucky, everything went off without a hitch. We kayaked over to the island at 2 pm on August 1. We could hear the church bells at a big old church nearby, more weddings I suppose! I was wearing a skirt and J and I had not rehearsed the exit from the kayak. We had our dads there to help us out, I managed to keep from flashing everyone. We had the 9 nieces and nephews blowing bubbles as we made our way down the 'aisle' (just grass) and had a barefoot wedding under a beautiful tree with our families there to support us. As we kissed after being pronounced married there was a HUGE crack of thunder, then a light sprinkle of rain-- we have the proof on the marriage certificate. We had dinner at a restaurant that had offered to shut down the dining room for us. The kids were well taken care of and had lots of room to play.
J is my wife and I have started referring to her as such. It felt really weird at first... thrilling though. I am so glad we decided to get married.
More pics another day... maybe!