Two Cat Scene

New baby, new blog

2011-08-22T14:31:00.001-06:00

Well, lil' one is 8 weeks old. Time is flying! With a shift in focus comes a new blog,

http://babyfied.wordpress.com/

Hope to see you there!

WTF OMG WTF OMG!

2011-02-02T20:22:00.005-06:00

We came home from work to this. Yes, that is the stuffing from the pillow on the right side of the couch (It's one of those cushions attached to the couch). We knew who dunnit and she is still walking around with her head down. 3 1/2 hours later, I have successfully sewed the cushion back together- by hand. We're about to have a baby- no time to be investing in a new couch!

hey... where'd my stuffing go?

ok, yeah, sorry mamas. sorry.

Ease & Flow

2011-01-01T14:47:00.005-06:00

We're now in week 16 and boy has my belly grown this past week! Pregnancy feels nothing like I thought it would- all the stretching and growing is very odd.

Last year I had talked about how J and I have the tradition of each picking a word for the new year. The year absolutely flew by... and here we are again. For the first time we both had a harder time choosing words. I didn't want to just choose and obvious one like 'birth', 'love' and 'joy', although all of those are appropriate. In the end, I didn't choose my word until this morning, I picked 'flow' as in, go with it! I worry too much, I think too much, and I am not very good at just living in the moment, so this year I am going to give myself permission to be myself without worrying, live my life without judging, let myself be imperfect without self-criticism, and let the good things come as they may.

J chose 'ease'... I thought it was a brilliant choice.

Knocked up!

2010-10-20T18:37:00.001-06:00

...and it was on the first try too! Due date: June 22, 2011, summer solstice, we're told. J and I are stoked, and feel so lucky that the iui took right away. We're calling her 'Sesame', as in 'seed' because that's about how big she was when we found out we were pregnant.... here we go!

Leap of faith

2010-09-18T20:11:00.003-06:00

I'm taking a leap, I'm taking a break and I am reconsidering my direction. I'm dropping my class and may drop the MA program altogether. It doesn't seem so big when I write it down, but the decision is a huge one, especially coming from someone who doesn't like to quit things for fear of looking like a failure.

Umm, I seem to have misplaced my period.

2010-09-07T20:46:00.002-06:00

No really, and I'm kinda waiting for it to start the fertility drugs and have that long-awaited first iui... and of course I'm late. Or right on time? Hence the drugs. Never thought I'd pay so much attention to my cycle. All I want is to start trying already, enough waiting!

Wedding... and a hiatus from blogging

2010-09-01T15:03:00.006-06:00

I have been thinking about just scrapping this blog. Obviously I haven't been around much. Wedding has come and gone... and truthfully I am thrilled to be married but so glad that the wedding part is over. I am just not a fan of weddings! Really, though, we were very lucky, everything went off without a hitch. We kayaked over to the island at 2 pm on August 1. We could hear the church bells at a big old church nearby, more weddings I suppose! I was wearing a skirt and J and I had not rehearsed the exit from the kayak. We had our dads there to help us out, I managed to keep from flashing everyone. We had the 9 nieces and nephews blowing bubbles as we made our way down the 'aisle' (just grass) and had a barefoot wedding under a beautiful tree with our families there to support us. As we kissed after being pronounced married there was a HUGE crack of thunder, then a light sprinkle of rain-- we have the proof on the marriage certificate. We had dinner at a restaurant that had offered to shut down the dining room for us. The kids were well taken care of and had lots of room to play. J and I got a fancy suite for the night before our wedding and the night of.... jacuzzi tub, need I say more? Our brothers and sisters had gotten together and created a gift basket for us, full of food, sex toys, wine, soaps and other yummy stuff-- even candy nipple tassles!
J is my wife and I have started referring to her as such. It felt really weird at first... thrilling though. I am so glad we decided to get married.
More pics another day... maybe!

The countdown is on.

2010-07-01T08:56:00.003-06:00

Now that it is officially July, there is no more pretending that there is lots of time left.... our wedding is now officially a month away. We are getting married on an island within the lake in our city, and J discovered this morning that the day of our wedding is also an event on the water of that lake.... hmmmm...
Our plan has been to have everyone ferried over and J and I are hoping to kayak up to the island and have the kids blowing bubbles as we make our way down the 'aisle'. Today we're going to give that a test run.... this is a man-made lake with a lot of man-made grossness so I don't know whether this is possible.
On the 9th my coworkers are throwing us a shower. Yes, a group of straight coworkers are insisting that they want to do this which really says a lot, doesn't it? I'm a notorious non-attender when it comes to events like this at my office and here we are at the centre of it. I'm very out at work, obviously, and everyone knows J too because she works at the university too. Someone asked what our 'colours' were for the wedding. Ummm... are we supposed to have colours? Not at this wedding, ladies....

I did it...

2010-06-14T21:03:00.004-06:00

Ok, almost. Tonight I gave my final lecture in the condensed course I am taking (as a grad student taking part in an undergrad class). I gave a lecture that was mostly on heterosexual privilege & language, and it was well received. Now I only have to mark another 30 short papers, and write a paper myself, and then I am done for the summer, just working rather than doing the work/school balance. Who knows-- maybe I will even have time for blogging again...

Stop here, read this, totally worth it, I promise

2010-06-03T21:03:00.008-06:00

Listen to this podcast, starting from 29:00, Act 2, Tom Girls (buy or stream, if you stream it will start from an intro that is about a minute, then into the hour-long program)

http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/374/Somewhere-Out-There?bypass=true

It blows my mind.

Time

2010-05-01T08:27:00.002-06:00

Suddenly I am in the blissful blank space between semesters. I finished my first class on the 21st, and am taking a May-June condensed course that starts on Monday. I will be the only grad student in this class- it is an Education course for future teachers and is a relatively informal look at sexuality and how one comes to realize and understand their own sexuality. I'm told that a number of students often come out by the end of the class. My role will be a little different, I'll present some lectures and write a paper. I think it will be a whirlwind but still a good one.

My little puppy has grown to be a one-year-old 65 pound ball of happy energy... great sometimes, overwhelming other times.

J and I have 'bought' our baby.... we spent $2200 on sperm from some young buck putting himself through school. This was supposed to be our first month of trying but the doctor didn't do the referral to the other doctor... so now we wait, sperm in storage. I suppose it's fine anyway, I'm ovulating now and the doctor wouldn't be doing an insemination over the weekend.

The thing about it is that it is so easy to feel overwhelmed by the whole thing. We are already busy, we already have 2 dogs, 2 cats. Adding a baby sometimes feels like too much, but I don't want to wait anymore. There is never the right time, right? Some days we can't wait, some days we are scared... I just wish that it could happen by accident so that we would just have to deal with it.

I stole this

2010-02-12T08:23:00.003-06:00

I stole this from Aneke who is so lucky to be At the edge of the ocean

If you can't fight

and you can't flee

flow

Robert Elliot

I have been treading water in the past 7 weeks. I started an MA, I work full-time, and wanted to join a committee but ended up co-chairing one of the sub-committees (time consuming but worth it, it is the organization of a camp for queer youth).
So, I have been busy and self-doubting, I even started reading a self-help book. Not my style but I needed something. So here I am reading Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway! I'll admit that it is helping.
My first class this semester is an undergrad/grad hybrid. 40 undergrads and 2 grad students including me. The other grad student is well in to her program and I am working my butt off to feel like I am keeping up! I have to do a presentation on the opening sequence to True Blood, and link it to the class readings. This would be ok except Fine Arts is not my background and the class is full of 3rd & 4th year film students. Bah!
A few weeks after that the other grad student and I have to present a 3 hour lecture, likely on the L Word.
I hate public speaking.
Flow flow flow flow flow flow flow.

ps.... I am in the Library. Got here early and got a great, quiet, comfy spot. Now some guy is here sharing my table, chewing his fucking gum and I am about to lose it on him. How can you chew your gum with your mouth closed and still make so much slobbery noise?

I've been replaced...

2010-01-28T20:21:00.004-06:00

....yes, yes I have.
I got a new computer last week, which means that the other laptop we shared is now J's... there used to be a nice picture of us on the desktop, and I noticed that she's replaced us with this:
(but really... can ya blame her?)

wait for it....

wait for it...

Yup.

Thanks to Dorothy Snarker for the pic...

Happiness...

2010-01-04T19:22:00.004-06:00

...is a picture on my fridge (secured with my fav magnet) of a sunrise? sunset? drawn by my 6 year old niece, L. She and her sister S (8) and their brother A (3) were over for a sleepover on Saturday night.

My sister in law A-L is still living with us but spends many nights at her boyfriend's. On Saturday the kids stayed in A-L's room. J brought the kids up to bed. I was downstairs but could hear the conversation going on upstairs and nearly melted with happiness. It went like this...

S: "How come A-L has such a little bedroom?"
J: "Well, she just lives with us for now but pretty soon this will be a baby's room instead."
S: "You and Auntie are going to have a baby?"
J: "We'd really like to. What do you think of that? Do you want another little baby cousin?"
S: "Yeah!"
L: "So, you and Auntie L are going to get married?"
S: "Yeah, remember? This summer! 'Cause girls can marry girls!"
A: (in a happy shout): "And boys can marry boys!"

It's amazing, isn't it? At 3, 6 and 8 they are totally fine with it.

'round here we feed penises to the dogs...

2009-12-31T22:27:00.003-06:00

no, really, we do. Bully sticks are the best New Year's bribe!

Happy 2010!

C'mon... I know you wanna....

2009-12-30T09:59:00.003-06:00

....be laaa-aaazy like me.

Can you have a lazy day with goals?

Goal number one: spend day in my new Christmas pj's.... minus the obligatory dog walk where I will wear warm comfies then promptly slide back into my flannels for the day

Goal number two: take a bath & read a magazine

Goal number three: surf the web (hello Maggie!)

Goal number four: turn the Roomba on so it looks like I've done something while J is away working

Goal number 5: IM J to gloat about my lazy day

Goal number 6: Make a pizza for J to make up for my gloating

Goal number 7: quit making goals so I can go laze my day away

Fearless Balance

2009-12-27T11:19:00.005-06:00

Hey look! It's my 50th post!
Somehow it has been a month since I last posted anything, I don't know how time passes so quickly.

Here we are at the end of 2009. Can you believe it?

J and I have a New Year's tradition that we started a few years back. We each choose a word for the upcoming year. We don't tell each other what we've chosen until close to New Year's. J told me that she chose her word months ago.

So, for 2010 we usher in J's year of Balance and my year of being Fearless. My word came to me just last week while painting the bedroom. It's funny how much those words come up through the year... it has become one of my favorite traditions.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Yup yup yup I'm a lucky duck

2009-11-23T19:51:00.003-06:00

... this morning I felt a little down. I was letting myself believe what a lot of people do-- that somehow the love between J and I just doesn't compare to the straight norm. I push myself to be out even when I don't really want to. Sometimes it would be easier to pretend to be straight, strategically avoiding gendered pronouns when talking about my personal life.

Bullshit.
Bullshit.
Bullshit.

As J reminds me, I have no need to justify my love to others. The secret to our love is between us and anyone who knows us can see it. The world is just going to have to catch up.

Walk with pride, folks.

Hitch me up, pardner

2009-11-22T17:39:00.003-06:00

I don't know what I did to be so lucky, but I am.

J and I are getting married, after 8 years of being together. It didn't always feel so important to get married, it didn't seem like something that would change things, and I am not sure how it shifted but it did. She is the love of my life and makes me laugh every day. I want to be able to call her my wife, I want to know that when our kids are born we will know that there is that legal piece of paper saying that we choose to be together and that it was important enough to make it official in front of our families. So August 7th is the proposed date.

And... I got in to grad school, I start in January. That is amazing too.

What a day.

Gimme some space...

2009-11-17T18:26:00.005-06:00

...some positive space...

This morning I finally remembered to bring in my name plate from my old job at another university (for some reason no one has nameplates at my current job, unless brought from somewhere else!). My name plate has a positive space campaign sticker on it and I left it there even though things are different in the prairies and people are much less likely to be out. I am completely out, no apologies, and everyone knows that in my office. But the positive space sticker seemed to really stump people. They stopped for a second, looked at it, generally said, 'positive space. Hmmh.' and kept going. Then it occurred to me tonight that chances are, none of them had ever heard of a positive space campaign (find examples here: http://www.queensu.ca/positivespace/; http://www.positivespace.ubc.ca/; http://www.positivespace.utoronto.ca/Page300.aspx). Which got me thinking that it is time for my little prairie university to have one... It may not be widely accepted, but I am going to make it my goal to get something in the works.
Wish me luck!

Puppy bedrest

2009-11-10T20:17:00.003-06:00

We had Jersey spayed last Tuesday. By Sunday morning she wasn't healing well enough and the vet said to keep our 6 month old, 43 pound puppy, still for another 10 days. As her mommas, we haven't been diligent enough in restricting her movements and now we're being punished.
How do we keep her still?! She's on leash in the house and HATES us for it. She's been chewing on her elk antlers (fallen antlers, a bit easier on my vegetarian mind!), which the people at our favorite pet place told us would last for months (based on their pit bull's track record)-- she's finished hers in a week.
Wish us luck!

Sing out loud or under your breath...

2009-11-05T10:19:00.005-06:00

I love this song and saw this video a while ago- seems à propos for all that is going on in the US with gay marriage and with, of course, the daily struggle we all face.

It's up for interpretation

2009-11-04T08:05:00.001-06:00

Mid afternoon blogging

2009-11-03T15:35:00.004-06:00

Ah, yes, the Tuesday-mid-afternoon-blog. These are things that make me smile. Most times I can't be bothered to sit at the computer and write after a day of doing just that at work. I am off this week as our pup (who now weighs 43 pounds at 6 mos, and weighed just 20 at 4 mos) is at the vet getting spayed. I took the time off to watch over her and her stitches-- she is a very active puppy and I imagine she'd be a prime candidate for ripping them out.

I am trying out a gluten free diet to see if I am celiac. Anyone have any tips to keep things interesting? I'm a vegetarian so the options are limited.

Surrounded by zee dogs, drinking zee crappy wine with me honee

2009-10-27T18:47:00.002-06:00

Ok, so, blogging hasn't been my forte this month. Sue me. Things are calm, things are good, I'm off next week to be around while Jersey recovers from being spayed. Hopefully it will calm her down a bit!
Today I submitted my proposal to Grad School. Now we sit and wait.

J and I are going to see Jesse Cook (again!), if he is coming to your area he is SO worth seeing live.
Check out these links (embedding disabled, sorry!) and the one above.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-dUbcYIZio
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PPXIlMdpXIo&feature=related

Lets face it, I'm a shitty blogger

2009-10-13T20:16:00.004-06:00

...time flies... I don't know how, but it does. The long weekend was a nice treat (Cdn Thanksgiving). We've had cold weather though, Jersey has had her first taste of snow.

28 candles

2009-10-06T12:42:00.002-06:00

Happy birthday to me!
It's just past noon so I cracked a beer. Tell me I can't. C'mon, I dare ya.
My birthday tradition over the last 3 years or so has been to book the day off and take myself out on a date day. Thanks to the last minute cancellation of a meeting, this year is no exception. So, this morning I took J to work as usual for 7 am and then decided on a spontaneous trip out of town for a coffee. I drove myself to Lumsden, a cute lil' prairie town in the valley, where J and I had originally considered buying-- only 20 minutes outside the city.

So here I am, home again. The dogs are now napping (moments ago I saw Jake chewing on something-- I went to investigate and found a baby tooth of Jersey's in his mouth. Uh huh. Weirdo) I've got a beer, I turned up the furnace because it is chilly (calling for snow tomorrow, nooo!) and I think I might change into my pj bottoms and throw on the new Tegan & Sara t-shirt that J got me and watch a movie...

J is taking me out to dinner tonight, but I've got loads of time....

ahhh, me-day....

Always makes me laugh...

2009-10-04T08:27:00.001-06:00

Happy Sunday morning y'all

oh, c'mon, it's funn-ee

2009-09-29T20:11:00.011-06:00

fall....

2009-09-27T20:23:00.004-06:00

...is arriving.
I don't mind this time of year. J and I spend more cozy time, more time cooking big batches of spaghetti sauce or lentils or soups on a Sunday afternoon with music playing and a glass of wine... this is what I think of when we come to this time of year.

Yesterday I realized that in the past few weeks J and I have had more time to spend together like we did before we moved from BC (where it was just us) to our prairie town (where the rest of my family lives and I grew up). When we moved here we lived with my brother and his family for 7 months, when we bought our house J's sister moved in with us the first week we moved in. So here we are, with J's sister spending more and more time with her new boyfriend, and us learning to be *us* again.

Sunday lazy Sunday

2009-09-20T20:01:00.000-06:00

foto-friday...WTF?!

2009-09-11T17:21:00.003-06:00

What happened to this week?
I was out watering the gardens tonight and when I opened the gate to the front yard I saw this on the fence...
I have always loved ladybugs and they are EVERYWHERE in my yard. In the spring our yard was overrun with them, I'm talking hundreds. Love it.

foto-friday-on-a-monday

2009-09-07T14:24:00.008-06:00

I missed my own foto friday because j and i went to spend the weekend with my mom and one of my sisters and her 3 little ones. My mom lives at a lake (hard life, right?) in a (very) little place she calls Jubilee Cottage... This was the first time all summer we had a chance to get out there. This year my mom didn't have the dock put out, she needs to have a new one built. Even though the season is about over, J spent her Saturday of the long weekend voluntarily building a 'sitting area' for my mom down by the water. J is a woodworker (I admit, it's a turn on) and a hard worker to boot. It was a serious 'awwww....!' moment for me when I came back to the cottage from being in town with my sister to see what J had done (all while looking after the dogs and 3 little ones). So, here's to you J... kisses!
Now, I didn't take any pictures of the dock-sitting area, but I can post some pictures from last summer and last winter from my mom's place for my foto-friday-on-a-monday.
Happy long weekend!

Gender Play

2009-09-03T21:20:00.001-06:00

Love this stuff....

I'm gonna need some volunteers....

2009-09-02T19:57:00.007-06:00

My application to grad school is in the works. I have an advisor, I have a committee, I am lining up my courses. I also have to write a proposal and an abbreviated lit review and all of a sudden I'm thinking, "I'm pretty sure I learned how to do that but...!". So I am procrastinating... you know, downloading the latest pictures of the dogs and cats from my camera, browsing blogs (for "research")... general putting-off-of-getting-it-done.
I really will need volunteers though, I expect that part of my thesis will include interviews. I will be writing a thesis on lesbian identity, and part of that is identity within a relationship and lesbian-parented families.... so I'm gonna need some help from y'all at some point.

And now for some recent photos.

Jakob, 8 yrs

Jersey, 4 mos

The dynamic duo

Jake is learning that having his own puppy is ex-haus-ting

Simon and Kale, 2 yrs & running a little faster these days... away from Jersey, or at her, claws up and ready for fun

new puppy!

2009-08-23T20:52:00.003-06:00

Meet 4.5 month old Jersey. She was a stray brought in to the Humane Society in July with her sisters, both sisters died of illnesses and Jersey has just come out of quarantine for the second time and was up for adoption for 2 days before we scooped her up. She is a mix of black lab and, they say, cocker spaniel but we think it is actually border collie. she and jake got along great from the get go so we knew it was a good choice.

so off we go into the world of housebreaking... poor little thing is exhausted from her busy day and sleeping at my feet.

foto friday

2009-08-21T20:28:00.008-06:00

Can you read that one? A sign reads "Free handcuffs with every frame bed"

Happy weekend!

worst . movie . ever.

2009-08-20T19:45:00.003-06:00

....evvvvver. We've been watching for a while now and we still haven't figure out what it is actually about. Oh, Chloe Sevigny, what were you thinking?
...we're getting cable tomorrow. yes, cable. we broke down. It's because of crap like this.

The evolution of the cell phone

2009-08-14T20:46:00.007-06:00

My brother was cleaning out his garage and found a collection of old cell phones... my favorite was the one bigger than a modern cordless. Remember the days when a colour screen on a cell phone was the next big thing? (Or remember when no one had cell phones at all and everyone had a rotary phone on the kitchen wall!?)

TOP TEN THINGS I LEARNED ON VACATION

2009-08-13T20:14:00.006-06:00

10- If it is supposed to be a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants vacation, quit trying to plan things, they don't work out

9- Sometimes a flirty waitress comes by with an 'extra' blueberry daiquiri. Enjoy.

8- You learn new things about your partner everyday, even after 7.5 years you can find out some new stuff you liiiiiikkkke...

7- Starting out healthy (eg. sharing breakfast rather than ordering a full one yourself) at the start of a vacation generally ends in Timbits for breakfast

6- A chip in the windshield of our brand new car can be avoided by staying back a bit from the car in front of us in a construction zone. Sigh.

5- Plumbing problems will always come up AFTER we returned from vacation and spent a good amount of our savings on our trip which was very fun but expensive (!)

4- A partner rendered incapable of driving due to a sore back and being drugged up on Robaxecet is still capable of backseat driving

3- When walking in to a winery you are expected to buy a $25 bottle of wine after having a quick sip of what they serve up

2- the cute lesbians are in Fernie. When there we stayed at the Red Tree Lodge (where that extra daiquiri appeared) for a very decent rate and had breakfast among the lezzies at MugShots Bistro

AAAAAND, THE NUMBER ONE THINGS I LEARNED ON VACATION:

1- Vacation + $300 worth of new sex toys = mucho sex.

Off we go!

2009-07-30T06:21:00.002-06:00

...simon thinks he's coming with us. He tried to pack his own bag. Sorry bud, see ya in two weeks.

so...close...can't...stand it

2009-07-26T16:41:00.005-06:00

Our long-awaited vacation is coming up and it is so close I can almost taste it.... J and I are headed to Vancouver, taking our time driving out, going to see J's bro and his family who we're very close with. They have 2 little boys, a 1-year-old and a 3-year-old (the 3-year-old is one of those amazing kids who was walking by 9 months, running at 9.5 months and riding a two-wheeler sans training wheels through the trails and doing tricks on his bike before the age of 3)
While we're going to see them, the focus is on us. Living with other people can sorta put a damper on things like just walking around naked together, having mid-afternoon impromptu sex, you know... so, off we go on 'our' vacation. I love BC and miss living there, I can't wait to see the ocean. We don't have many plans but we'll go to Vancouver Pride, pay a visit to Davie St, pick up some fun stuff at Womyns' Ware, travel through the Okanagan, do some wine tours, get some fresh fruit, take our time, stay in hotels and just have time for us.... The countdown begins... time left to E & J's fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants-and-take-each-others-pants-off-as-often-as-possible vacation.... T minus 5160 minutes....

the boy-girl dilemma

2009-07-18T16:11:00.007-06:00

...well, it is a dilemma for some. Amy, I was reading your post about shopping for bras (while doing a little bum dance listening to Lay Down Sally, thank you very much for the tunes) and I had to share my own story-- (and first I`ll apologize, what on earth did I do to mess up my formatingÉ seeÉ that is supposed to be a question mark) anyway...
when I was about 17 I was very skinny and had short I repeat short dykey hair (I wasn't out but I knew what I liked!). My mom had sent a carpet in for cleaning and asked me to pick it up for her. I walked in and told the woman at the counter what I was there for (and now that I think of it it`s kinda funny that I was there looking for a rug). The woman walked to the back of the shop and yelled out `hey Merv! There`s a boy..a girl... I`m not sure... here for a rug`. I was so dumbfounded I didn`t know what to say. She came back to the counter and didn`t way another word... did she think I couldn`t hear herÉ

People`s concern over gender and sexuality never ceases to amaze me. I`ve decided that rather than doing an MA in Psychology (I finished my BA but I don`t know if that is what I would choose if I were to do it over again) I`m going to do an MA in Queer Theory under the Women`s Studies and Gender Studies umbrella. I have the support of the department, I just have to apply to Grad School. There isn`t a specific MA program in the dept, so I pretty much get to put together my own program. Woo hoo! Wish me luck with the application...

Ok, fine, I give....

2009-07-16T21:30:00.006-06:00

1. Boxers, briefs, hipsters, bikinis or none? What do you wear?
Hipsters, if any

2. Last book you've read or are now reading?
'Things I want my daughters to know'... can't remember the author

3. When did the realization hit you that you're a lesbian?
I first said it out loud when I was 13, but wasn't out for a very long time after that.

4. Give us some the details of your first lesbian sexual relationship.
didn't have any exposure to other gay people and for the most part stayed away from both men and women-- never wanted to be with a man, didn't know how to meet a woman. Being with J was(is) my first real relationship, we got together when I was 20. Who knew I'd meet the one I wanted to spend my life with right off the bat?

5. Rate your sensitivity level from 1 (low) to 5 (high) for your hurtful feelings.
Used to be a full on 5 but I have done a lot of work in my life to get myself to a place of being able to take things less personally. Lets go with a 3. There is always room for improvement!

6. Name the farthest place you've traveled to from home.

Peggy's Cove, N.S. http://www.peggyscove.ca/

7. Ever get caught "doing it"? Or explain the most embarrassing if you've had many (Dawg).
Yeah, how about in a homophobic little hicktown called North Battleford that we ended up getting stuck staying in last Christmas when driving home from Edmonton... the snow was so bad we had to stay in a motel overnight, and there was no deadbolt on the door. At the time we were living at my brother's house and so any night away on our own was a great opportunity to not worry about being noisy (see #15)... there were no deadbolts on the doors at this motel, and lets just say that housekeeping came by a little early...

8. What is your biggest accomplishment? Name only one.
Overcoming eating disorders and self abuse, I spent my adolescence in therapy. No joke. It isn't something I really talk about anymore but it will always be there.

9. What is your major weakness?
Wiiiiine

10. Do you normally keep your ex's as friends?
Nope

11. Have you gotten your heart broken more or have you broken more hearts?
heart broken

12. Ever cause any divorces? (straight or gay but your parents don't count)
nope

13. Ever participate in a ménage de trios (three some)?
no-Can't imagine it would be good for a relationship, and J and relationship always come first.

14. Are you a boobs, butt or legs woman?
None of the above... I'd have to say mouth and eyes. 'course who doesn't like a nice ass?

15. Muffled or loud? As in you.

Ahem. It has been a year since J and I have lived on our own (lived with my brother and his family while waiting for our house, and now J's sis lives with us) and I generally get a 'shhhh...' from J, so....

16. Name the most unusual place you've "done it".

In a U-Haul. How's that for a lesbian stereotype?

Here's to the women....

2009-07-11T18:24:00.004-06:00

J's mom is in town. The other night J pulled out a large blank canvas (our home is filled with home-made art) and she and her mom decided to create a monochromatic painting together. J chose green as the colour ('cause it was supposed to go in our kitchen which we are painting a great shade called 'goblin green'--love it!)
J and her mom got to work on the painting. Then my parents dropped by, which was momentous in itself (my dad lives overseas and I don't see him much). Then my mom joined in on the painting action, and I grabbed the last blank corner... et voila... a painting created by me, my wife and our mothers.

Slowwww down...

2009-07-08T19:33:00.003-06:00

Eek it has been busy! The trip to Ontario was to get my sister and her three little ones (3, 5, 7) out here-- she was finally moving home and needed help driving a huge u-haul and her car, so my other sister and my dad and I were all out to help. The trip was great, very fast, and I have been trying to keep up all week but I'm exhausted. How can a road trip be so draining? I got back late afternoon on Sunday and should have taken Monday off! I did get lots of pictures of the gorgeous prairies though... for those of you who think it is boring landscape, get some glasses and take another look. More pics another night, time for this girl to crash.

agreeing with Margo....

2009-06-29T21:18:00.003-06:00

...is worth it's own post (missed Margo's post about the wonders of Refocksa and friendship in general? )
I was thinking the other day about how the internet culture is changing-- slowly, but changing nonetheless. There is still that strange assumption that if you make friends over the internet they do not qualify as normal, healthy and as 'real' as a face to face friendships-- you can see similarities in the stereotypes surrounding gay relationships! So as access to the internet becomes an invisible norm, internet connections become somewhat normalized by association. I say somewhat. The thing is that here I am living in a very straight city, there are out people around here but you have to know where to find them-- and I haven't found them! It is great to be able to relate to people, see their lives and be able to share my own with people who get it-- people who get how much I love my life, my wife, and being a part of a culture of fantastic people who are, with much grace, able to deal with other people's small-minded ideas about what it means to love.

And after all that... I'm off to Ontario for a few days. Have a good July 1/4 !

you just can't make this stuff up...

2009-06-26T18:22:00.001-06:00

Thanks to my brother who can always make me laugh with forwards:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fucking,_Austria

Are the residents called Fuckers?
What are the mothers called?
What would you be learning at the Fucking High School?
Does the Fucking Hospital help you with anything else?
If your friend came from another town, he wouldn't be your Fucking
friend.
There is a sign in the town that says 'Bitte! Nicht so schnell', which in English translates to 'Please! Not so fast!

Pride?

2009-06-22T20:38:00.004-06:00

Part of me is disgusted with myself, and part of me is disappointed with society, and the rest of me is completely fed up with the L key on my laptop that all of a sudden is sticking ike, I mean, like, crazy.
So Saturday was pride in my little prairie town. We looked forward to it, planned for it, got up and walked downtown for it... oh, what a tiny little gathering there was. Next year we'll be joining Dawg's crew in Toronto. My first instinct was to bail, and the rest of me was thinking, well, someone has to march, right? The last time we went to pride was 5 years ago, and we thought that one was pretty small. We ended up walking in the parade by accident-- not only that but we ended up walking with the group carrying the banner 'Senior's Pride' and I walked next to a woman driving a scooter. I digress...
I guess I shouldn't have expected so much. Pride isn't advertised here, and if I want to go to a big parade I guess we should go to Toronto or Vancouver. I didn't manage to get the courage to join the parade, and J and A were happy not to join either. So we went to one of our favorite little pubs and had our own little pride celebration...
This is likely the one and only time that J will allow me to put a picture of her up on my blog. I am relishing the moment. Rel-ish-ing.

pssst... still gay...

2009-06-21T14:59:00.000-06:00

I was having a crappy day, then my brother sent me a forward...

2009-06-16T17:28:00.008-06:00

Is there anything better than a car ride?

2009-06-15T20:39:00.002-06:00

...ok, for my dog I mean... 'cause I can certainly think of better things!

Things I like and things I don't like...

2009-06-10T20:19:00.011-06:00

Like: (love) J an I were going through pictures and videos and I came across this one. I took it almost a year ago-- J and I were in the U-Haul moving from Vancouver Island, the video was taken just after getting off the ferry coming in to Vancouver. J has that 'get that camera off of me' look. Cute.
video removed

Don't like: Today my sister-in-law, A, brought home her 'Betty' dolls (she's in school to become a stylist), and I am thinking that they need to be locked away before I can go to sleep tonight. See below: Simon and the Betty dolls; A and the Betty dolls... I'm so completely creeped out by these things, especially that they have REAL HUMAN HAIR on their heads.

Mmmm.... Saturday.

2009-06-06T08:59:00.006-06:00

My cats like boxes... all types. Simon managed to squeeze himself into this one.... Kale looks on in box envy.
You can see my butter churner in the background, it is my prized piece in my home, belonged to my great grandma. My great uncle put a motor on it for her at some point, parts of it are still there.

J and her sister A are in the kitchen making Saturday breakfast. It has been a busy few weeks, A has been living with us for about a month now & will be with us for about a year, and their dad is also here helping J build front and back decks, a side gate, and lay the new flooring in the bathroom and kitchen. Full house, lots of work (and lots of beer!).
Today is a glorious Saturday. I picked chives from the garden to go in the home fries with brekkie-- I loooove this time of year.
It has been a few years since I've had a veggie garden, and the weather has been so awful that it is not growing very well, but hey... I see beets, lettuce, onions and lots of rhubarb so far.
So here is to Saturday, I hope you're all getting the gorgeous sun that we are going to have today (I have nothing to back this up but my fingers are crossed)...

So, if Jessie gets it...

2009-06-03T19:44:00.003-06:00

how hard can it be?

Prop 8...

2009-05-26T21:12:00.004-06:00

...sucks and makes no sense. It has only been a few years since gay marriage became legal in Canada (and some Canadians probably don't even know that it is legal!) but I think that if that was overturned I'd be absolutely livid. So, to all of you Americans, c'mon over, the grass actually is greener up here. We've got lots of space and we're pretty friendly.

...and then there was sun...

2009-05-25T10:10:00.004-06:00

On Saturday we were out in the yard from 7:30 am and it was hot, the best day we've had this spring. I followed my personal tradition of renouncing sunscreen in the first sun of the year in order to tan some of my pasty Icelandic-English skin-- by 2:30 I was wearing a hat remembering the time in 7th grade my class went on a fieldtrip to a lake on the day of our elementary school graduation and I burned so badly (I mean so badly) that I was a virtual lobster.
It feels great to have our own yard. We rented houses for years but I never wanted to do more than the basics to fix it up, especially if we knew the landlords didn't give a crap about the house. Now we have our own and inherited a yard that had been as neglected as the house. We had a load of dirt brought in and we've planted the gardens and lots of perennials including a rosebush, hydrangeas and lilacs. I've also scattered the wildflower seeds-- that mix includes poppies, my absolute favourite.

After the day of sun we went for dinner with friends which was great, except for the flirty waiter. I was annoyed but part of the conversation we were having had to do with a story that J had told about a straight guy at her work having been completely offended and disgusted that a gay guy had tried to pick him up. J had said that she didn`t get it, why can`t someone just say ‘thanks but no thanks’ and let it be at that. She`s right, of course. Anyone finding you attractive should be great... this waiter, though, deserved a swift stab with a fork from under the table for calling me, ahem, “lil’ lady”, “miss”, and “lil’ miss”, all within a 3 hour period. First of all, gay or not, I’m 27 and it turns out I actually look it because I don’t get ID’ed anymore, so don’t call me “little”, and don’t ever call me “miss”. So then when we were ready to go and he asked how we wanted the bills split he had a hard time understanding. He said, “so split it across like this” (motioning toward me and one of our guy friends, and then to J and our other guy friend, assuming that we were on dates, I guess) and I said, “no, like this” (motioning toward J and I and then the second bill for the two guys). “Like this?” he asked, making the same motions I had, and I said, “yes.” The waiter missed a beat and then said, “Ok, ‘cause the way I have it now is split individually... so...” I said, “nope, split in two is perfect”. Is it that difficult? At least he didn’t come around then and pass the bill to J, which often happens because as you know, someone has to be the guy in the relationship. (insert gagging here).

And here we are at Monday morning, day one of my week off. It’s crazy working in a place where I HAVE to take my days off, can’t just bank my vacation days. So I took this week because J’s dad arrives on Thursday and we’re rebuilding decks, laying some flooring and putting up a new gate. I thought I would get a bit of painting done before he gets here... I just have to get myself motivated to get out of my chair right now.... here we go....

Romantic shmomantic

2009-05-15T20:06:00.002-06:00

I have a romantic idea of the person I'd like to be, she's right out of a novel. She doesn't blush, she makes plans and keeps them, she stays up late and gets up early, she works out 'cause it feels good, she writes novels, she shops often enough to have a pretty good rotation of a wardrobe going, she remembers birthdays and sends cards on time, nix that, early, she spends hours at a time lounging and reading a great book while enjoying a reasonably-sized glass of wine, she has a tasteful tattoo and remembers to go for regular hair cuts and has her hair coloured in the salon, not from a boxed mix, she takes the dog to obedience school, she has a career she is passionate about, she is able to bring dying plants back to life, she walks the dog twice a day without fail, she is motivated enough to write the exams for grad school, she is motivated enough to figure out whether she WANTS to go to grad school, she is well versed in the names of her favorite songs rather than just the general tune, she doesn't open-mouth-insert-foot on a regular basis, she has a relatively strong grasp on regular small talk rather than feeling stumped on something to say other than umm, yeah, can you believe we had snow this morning? In May? Yeah.
I like to think that this person exists, but I also like to think that other people feel the same way, like somewhere along the way something just slips away-- you spend your childhood thinking that you will grow up and everything will just happen. I'm still waiting.
When I was growing up I wanted to write and I still want to. I just don't have the confidence that I used to have, but I`m working on it.

It's 8:30 on a Thursday morning and I am still in my pyjamas...

2009-04-30T08:23:00.000-06:00

....oh what a glorious feeling...
I'm off work until Tuesday. The weather has been crappy, we had snow the other day. SNOW. It is gone now, but it was enough of a sign that we should go into hibernation for a few days. There are a few simple steps to follow when going into hibernation.
1) Book several days off work. This allows for optimal lounging time
2)Rent enough movies to feel like you are doing something wrong, especially when opting for the 2-vs-5-day rental from Blockbuster
3) Remove mattress from bedroom, add to living room. Set up movie viewing area, complete with closed blinds, bags of candy and a bowl of popcorn larger than your head
4) Take the dog for a good long walk to wear him out
5) Come home and change back into pj's, curl up with your woman, and hit play on the dvd player

Ah... sweet lazy days...

Ok, so, that was the plan for today, but I don't know if that is going to happen. It is an impossibly gorgeous day. We live very close to the creek and there are walking/bike paths that go right along it-- I'm glad for that because I miss the ocean like crazy.

Same streets, different eyes

2009-04-18T00:05:00.000-06:00

I grew up in this city. We moved here 7 months ago, after years of living on the west coast. Once I finally finished my B.A. we decided to move to the prairies because at least here we can buy a house-- so here we are, surrounded by my family and living in this city that was at one time all I knew as home.
I am a very different person than I was when I left here over 7 years ago. One of the hardest things about moving back here is that my old life collides with the current one, over and over again. People I haven't seen for years seem to expect me to be who I was then-- or maybe it has nothing to do with their expectations and everything to do with who I think they knew me to be, and what I think of that person I was.
Of course there is good, too, but it is odd how the idea of home shifts. I took me longer than J to adjust to living here, I kept thinking of Vancouver Island as home, and in some ways I still do. As we settle in though I know that I will look around one day and realize that this city has become home again.

Wait, wait, waiting... wait, no, stop waiting.

2009-04-08T17:34:00.000-06:00

I'm waiting for my brand new stove to arrive, how exciting is that? I'm going to bake up a storm and maybe throw in a casserole or two.

J and I have just bought our first house, moved to the snowy prairies from the gorgeous west coast to be able to do it-- it has been our dream for 7 years-- and we've finally, finally made it.

So here we are, into this new phase. I feel like now that we've been through all of the craziness of buying a house we can just focus on the rest of life. I want to do more for myself-- I want to try metal work, J wants to try glasswork. I have always felt like I am always waiting for something, I've been trying to get past this. As J says, I tend to live in the future... Like now, when I'm thinking, I wonder if I will actually keep up with a blog?

We purposefully didn't get a tv because straight tv is boring. Everything we want to watch is on the internet-- but now need two computers because J likes to watch videos (and was very happy when I bookmarked http://www.onemorelesbian.com/ for her) and I like to read the blogs. I think some of them are a bit much... are people trying to make their lives an episode of The L Word or what? But then I find other blogs like this one http://rutibegga.blogspot.com/ and I think, huh, I wish people like that lived in my neighbourhood. Or maybe they do... (umm, if you recognize the house, come by and introduce yourself, ok?) They certainly aren't a certain neighbour who I met last Sunday when I (sporting what else but bed head and cosy pants) went to take Jake for a walk andthe neighbour asked whether my 'husband' and I had moved in. When I told her that it was my partner and said J's name, she paused... and thought... and thought... and said "Two girls?" to which I replied, "Uh huh." Good thing I hadn't said wife, she mighta had a heart attack on her way to church...

Ahh, J has arrived home with pizza and wine. All is well in my world.